Momentum Israel: Day 5

 

My Shabbat in Jerusalem was like no other I have ever experienced. It was emotional. It was energizing. It was inspiring. It was as though the learning and events of the past week were synthesized into a true feeling of renewal. This trip is presenting me with a window of opportunity. What will I do with this opportunity? What changes will I make in my household ... in my life? I need to go home and process everything I have taken in. But I am getting ahead of myself, so allow me to tell you about my last 26 hours.

As the sun began to set over Jerusalem, 400 women from all over the US descended upon the Western Wall and made our presence heard. We made concentric circles, held hands and sang Hebrew songs over and over. A group of female soldiers joined in with us and I felt so much gratitude toward them. I was in awe watching the sun set over the Kotel. I thought, "Look at me -- it is Shabbat, I am in Jerusalem surrounded by women I have grown to love and — best of all — I am Jewish!" I truly felt like a link in a chain between my ancestors and future generations of the Jewish people. It was hard to keep myself from crying. I now understand why it is called the wailing wall.

We went on to Shabbat dinner at the Inbal Hotel. A lovely young woman from the west coast came over to speak to me, as she grew up in Long Island. We were talking about the experience at the wall that night. She expressed to me that she never considered herself “very Jewish.” And that before the world events of this summer, she never really gave Judaism much thought at all. But this summer she began to wonder things like, “Will it be safe for my children to travel abroad as Jews when they get older? Will it be safe for my kids to attend college in the US? Will Israel still continue to exist for Jews?” I expressed to her that while she may not always identify herself as being "very Jewish", the rest of the world does. We talked about the fact that in WWII, Jewish families were exterminated whether they identified as Jewish or not. I thought, instead of carrying the weight of being Jewish — like a burden -- appreciate the BEAUTY of our heritage.

Amazing Havdallah service on the Aish HaTorah rooftop, rounding out a memorable Shabbat. Shavua Tov, everyone … until next Shabbat!

Momentum Israel: Day 4

 

While the Dead Sea is the lowest point on earth, it certainly was NOT the low point of our trip! Today was amazing! I mean, what DIDN'T we do today?!!

We started out with a drive through the dessert to Masada, on a picture-perfect day. When we got to the top, there was a naming ceremony for women who do not have a Hebrew name. It was very emotional and we danced (surprise, surprise) and sang! We later found out some of the very emotional reasons these women chose the names they did. Then our guide Doron gave a us an engaging tour the ancient walled city built by King Herod, followed by an outdoor lunch.

We next moved on to the Dead Sea. We smeared mud on ourselves and on one another and enjoyed a fabulous float. The sea, the sand, the dessert ... all so beautiful. We even shared our mud with some young Israeli school girls who were excited to have a half-day off at school and spending their afternoon at the beach. They were as excited to meet and talk to us, as we were them!

We moved on to a beautiful dessert setting to Abraham & Sarah's Tent. We enjoyed camel rides and a drum circle, while the sun set over the parched Judean hills. The al fresco dinner was amazing! As the wine flowed, we all got to know each other a little better. We finished the evening with -- you guessed it -- more dancing! Looking forward to Shabbat in Jerusalem.

Momentum Israel: Day 3

Today was a beautiful & busy day in oh-so-many ways! For starters, we are experiencing gorgeous December weather -- even by Israel standards. We know that rain is good for Israel. But as a New Yorker leaving the bitter cold, I would be lying if I said I wasn't appreciating the warmth of the Mediterranean sun!

We left the hotel and meandered through the old city to the stunning Aish HaTorah Center. We enjoyed this weather again from the center's rooftop, with an incredible view of the Kotel. Inside, we were welcomed by JWRP founder Lori Palatnik, who gave a fascinating seminar on personality types. Do you have the soul of a Chaim (thinker), a Bracha (extrovert), or Tov (Moral / Judger) ... or perhaps you are a combination of two or three. Take Lori's seminar to find out!

We then learned about the roots of the Aish HaTorah renaissance. This organization was founded by the late Rabbi Noach Weinberg. In a filmed interview with the Rabbi, he quoted his father saying, "If there's no one else doing the job, then you've got to do it." And do it he did, with his establishment of a global network of educational and outreach programs throughout the world for unaffiliated Jewish men and women.

I am SO THANKFUL that Momentum is carrying on his important work through these trips. The film was introduced by one of Rabbi Weinberg's students, Rabbi Ken Spiro. Can I digress to say that Rabbi Spiro's book "WorldPerfect" is one of my favorite books about Judaism?! I highly recommend this book, which is captivating from the very first page, and we are so fortunate to have him with us! Next, we had an opportunity to spend time with women who have made Aliyah to Israel. We exchanged recipes and photos of our children. They were so nice to volunteer their time and most of us found we all had so much in common.

The highlight of the day for many of us was the time we spent at the Western Wall. Our group danced and sang together, then we each took turns going up to the wall for a private, very spiritual moment of prayer. Then we toured the old city, both above ground and below ground. There is so much more to Jerusalem than meets the eye. Its history goes back over 1500 years and much of it is buried below the surface. I'll tell you, they just do not build cities like they used to!

My Momentum "sisters" are out for dinner and I am here in the hotel room writing this blog. It was a VERY busy day and I am way too tired to venture out tonight. But I am enthusiastic about getting a good night of sleep so I can be ready for another BIG day tomorrow!

Momentum Israel: Day 2

We woke up to a sumptuous Israeli breakfast -- some of us well-rested, others not so much! We were again treated to an engaging seminar with Nili Couzens. The topic was relationships. 

Yesterday's theme of positivity, carries through to our relationships with our significant others. We CHOOSE whether to focus on the positive or negative traits in our partners. 

I say "partners" because I am divorced. This means I may have made a have mistake or two in my past relationships. I am only human. However, being in a relationship of almost five years with an incredible man, this seminar resonated with me. I want to get it right this time! I thought about my boyfriend Leo and his many virtues -- his kindness, his creativity, his consideration. These are just a few of his traits which I value and love. Note to Self: Remind Leo every day that he is an amazing man! As Nili said, complimenting our partner is an instrument of love.

We then got on the bus to mystical city of Tzfad. As our bus climbed the Galilee Mountains to Tzfad, we climbed to a higher spiritual plain. We all felt very open and "available" to receiving spiritual signs. Many of the women experienced much emotion in the sacred sites we visited. We toured the mikveh and learned about the close-knit relationship between our physical and spiritual beings. We talked about renewal and fresh starts. We toured two ancient synagogues, then did some shopping at the many galleries and Judaica stores dotting the scenic mountaintop town. 

During our Tzfat dinner, (at an incredible location with a definite middle eastern flair,) we were seated with women from other geographic areas. I sat next to a lovely woman with whom I had much in common. She, too, is divorced and we talked about the morning's seminar, and relationships in general. The evening, again, ended with a spirited round of dancing. I think I might lose weight with all this exercise! Now we are Jerusalem bound. So excited to visit this holiest of cities!

Momentum Israel: Day 1

We have most definitely arrived! We've been excited for this trip for so many weeks -- and for some of us months, even years. We arrived at Ben Gurion airport pinching ourselves that we finally arrived at this much-awaited day!

Each woman on this trip is at a distinctly different point on her journey. Yet we are all acutely aware that we have something to gained by being here. What we have to gain is immense, but not the same for any one of us. We are each on our own personal quest to be better wives, mothers, partners, Jews and people.

Israel is the charging station for the soul. That was the message of our dynamic speaker Nili Couzens tonight. We all have a tendency to get caught up in the day-to-day minutia of our lives, which can take its toll on us. A week in Israel with such inspiring company is the perfect antidote. It is a week we are claiming as our own ... to connect with one another, recharge our batteries, and --most of all -- recognize the many blessings in our lives. They are all right there in front of us, every day. We just need to CHOOSE to see them.

This theme continued during our conversation at dinner, at a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Sea of Galilee. As we got to know each other (over an amazing array of Israeli food), we discussed how fortunate we are to be on this trip in Israel RIGHT NOW. Many of us have had the opportunity to go on previous trips, and have not been able to follow through, due to family or career obligations. We all agreed that we are here, because this is "our time." It is all part of G-d's plan that we find ourselves in Israel, right here, right now. It is our responsibility to "be present" and to make the most of this amazing opportunity.

As dinner wound down, the atmosphere wound up. The second that music came on, women bounded from their seats, grabbing each other's hands and instantly becoming part of something much larger than themselves ... over 200 women joyously dancing, like a giant bat mitzvah! No one was left on the sidelines to watch. Each of us was swept up in the fabulous, cohesive moment of togetherness, as Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" came on. Yes, we are already forming a sisterly bond. If this is just day one, I can't wait to see what lies in store for my sisters and me in the week ahead!

Capturing Memories

My boyfriend Leo is an incredible professional photographer. The real deal, educated in the art. He captures amazing, unforgettable moments from weddings and bar mitzvahs. If you are looking for a bar mitzvah photographer in Plainview, NY ... he is your man! He also does amazing pre-event decor shoots that make these kids look like models! It is so much fun watching him work and seeing the mazing art he creates.

But his wedding work is even more amazing! Wedding work is simply ... sexier, more artistic, more beautiful. He hustles his ass off at wedding to make sure he captures positively everything. If you are looking for a wedding photographer in Plainview, NY, I highly recommend you check him out.

A little bit about Leo, in his own words:

I was born in Buenos Aires and educated in Chicago, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts. Thus began a career in fashion and editorial photography. It was during these years I developed my creative technique and distinct photojournalistic style.

Photographs make memories tangible.

They render indelible those little details which time might otherwise erase. When it comes to your wedding, each image plays an integral role in documenting the events of your day.

As an artist educated in the world of film photography, I capture your moments at the scene employing creative composition and the beauty of natural light. These techniques cannot be replicated after the fact, even with today’s sophisticated software. And these are skills that take decades of experience to perfect.

The unique story of your beginning will be delivered in a style that radiates warmth and exudes personality — to echo the feelings surrounding your special day.

Is it time to be an adult yet?

When, oh when, will I feel like an adult? I always thought it would hit me when I graduated from college and was living in the professional world. But somehow... no. Well then, I reasoned, surely when I get married, have a kid, have two kids, three. No, no, no and no.

Okay, I am now 47. I have three teenage children -- almost adults themselves. I am divorced, I work full time, and it is FINALLY starting to hit me. I am an adult! I am an adult with a house full of people who depend upon me. I pay my bills each month, shop around for good insurance rates. I am even refinancing my home & buying my ex-husband out. And I go to work every day because I HAVE TO. 

I think that last point is what's really doing it. Never before have I really HAD TO work, and now I clearly do. I think that sad truth is what is making me feel so ... adult. Sure, I know, I should be happy I have a job -- and I am. But they really want me to show up every day, huh? I will tell you people, retirement is not looking too shabby!

And if that isn't enough, my kids expect dinner ... every day! Can't they skip a day and eat twice as much the next day? And then I have to drive them places and go out again and pick them up places. What is happening to me? Where did all these commitments come from and how is it I have stepped into this role? It all creeped on on me so slowly and yet so suddenly. 

Truth be told, I am taking some measure of pride in my newfound adulthood. I am feeling, perhaps, more pulled together than I have ever have. But is it possible to feel pulled together and, yet, pulled in a million different directions at the same time? That would be me. 

This is a short blog because I am short on time. It's a grown up thing.

Alone.

It's my first weekend alone in ... I don't know how long ... and I don't even know what to do with myself!

I'm almost never alone in my house. Between my three teenage sons, (who are involved in so many activities,) my boyfriend -- even my ex-husband -- there are always peeps around. Truly, the planets MUST be aligned for me to be here, right now ... ALONE! 


And what should I do with this precious commodity they call time?! Should I watch House Hunters for the millionth time? Should I play Lexulous? Should I read my Hunger Games sequel? Should I paint my toe nails blue? Ohhh, the possibilities! Okay, if my boyfriend is reading this, (as I know that he will), he is probably getting a wee bit insulted right about now. But, really Leo, this is NOTHING personal!

He should remember that while I relish my time alone, it was just ten days ago that I was feeling sorta sad being alone. My sons and I went away to Jamaica to QUITE the family resort. It seemed to me that I was THE ONLY single parent there. Heck, I  admit it, I was feeling incredibly lonely! As far as my boys, they had bigger fish to fry. Sure, there was a stray married person that took pity and talked to me -- but mostly it was just moi!

Me 'n' the boys in Jamaica, mon!

Why is it that, while most of the time I am quite content being alone, in that situation I felt like a leper? I felt like I had a big L on my forehead. Maybe it was because I felt as though I was alone and on display. Because there were people there, strangers, to witness my loneliness. Perhaps my feelings were simply compounded by watching all those happy couples running around having fun.  But, no, I really did miss my boyfriend and I really did miss "us." The company, the conversation, the camaraderie, the affection.

Ironically, when I visited this same resort five years ago with my husband, I remember feeling lonely then too. While I was part of a couple, we really weren't all that connected. We just appeared to be the perfect couple. Maybe half the couples I saw last week were just like us and were wishing they were there alone. Perhaps they were looking at ME jealously! I mean, is it any better to be part of a couple, if you feel alone? I think not, (she says from experience).

So, on that note, I gotta go because I got a lot to do ... alone. And I have an important date to keep ... with me. As they say in Jamaica, everything's irie, mon!

Musical Chairs

My adorable lil' sitting room,
formerly known as the dining room.

I did it again. I moved the furniture. Really.

My motto is, when you can't afford to redecorate ... rearrange! I have been doing this since I settled into my 1950's split level home 17 years ago. I have done everything in my power to make it feel like the quaint, country cottage of my dreams. My oasis, my haven in the cruel, unforgiving world of suburbia. And I have moved, adjusted, flip flopped and rearranged my household, to suit my lifestyle at the current moment. On a whim, I have even hoisted a chair or two onto my back to make the journey up or down the stairs. The only constant in my home seems to be the changing landscape.

When I had a house full of toddlers, I flip flopped the den & the living room, so I could have my kids close to me in the kitchen. But, once they got a little older, I didn't want them quite so close. I needed my space. I needed a buffer. So the den (and the kids) got moved back downstairs.

Most recently I flip flopped my living room & dining room, giving me a much larger eating area, (great for entertaining) and getting rid of a not-needed formal living room. It was a move I had been itching to make for years -- but a move my ex-husband was leery about. I was more the visionary, I suppose. Once my ex had moved out, it was the first thing I did to put my personal stamp on this home ... to make it feel more "mine." Now, off my kitchen where my dining room used to be, I have an intimate little sitting room. It's a quiet place to drink my coffee, stare out the window and regroup. I love it!

Just like in every other aspect of my life, I try to be resourceful and think outside the box. But I am driving my kids crazy! "Russell, will you help me move the bookcase?" "Oh no, not again," says my 17 year old son. "Can't you PLEASE just leave everything alone?" The answer, most definitely, is no! I get bored. I grow impatient. And since my budget is limited, I reinvent my space. It's free. It's fun. It's exciting. And, besides, I like how that chair, (which was hiding under-appreciated in my bedroom,) is now basking in its glory in my sitting room. While it may seem trivial, when I move my furniture, it literally changes my view of the world. I  highly suggest it! Quite simply, it gives me a new lease on life. Really.

i'm becoming a hermit ... are you?

Hermit. I still remember how I learned what that word meant. I was 5 or 6 and my mother was reading the book Heidi to me. Heidi's grandfather was a "hermit," remember? My mom said a hermit was someone who lived in seclusion & never spoke to anyone. Creepy, huh?

In those days, I was the most social person I knew. I wasn't "alive" unless I was surrounded by friends. I used to lay on the kitchen floor & cry out to my mom, "I'm borrrrrrrrrred!!!" My mom would tell me to go color, or read a book. But I didn't want to. I wanted to be around people! I wanted to have a friend over. I wanted to do something BIG. I wanted P.T. Barnum to ring my doorbell, with elephants on balls and poodles on tricycles in tow. This continued, in some form or another, over the years. Whether I was in my 20s or 30s, I wanted to be where the action was: partying at a bar, shopping with friends, out at a school function, dinner with friends.

Now I am 45 and I say, "Screw the action!" I spend my days holed up in my warm house and the scary part is ... I LIKE IT! Some days, I even stay in my pajamas. Then I find myself panicking at 2:00 pm, knowing my kids will arrive home soon & my jig will be up! After all, I'm the one who yells at them to get out of the house & do something. So, surely, I can't set such a poor example. I quickly shower, make my bed & rinse the oatmeal-encrusted breakfast dishes in the sink. By the time my boys get home at 2:30, (poof!) I am magically transformed back into Donna Reed and they are none the wiser!

But I guess I am not a true "shut in," since I do converse with people on the outside: I text, I tweet, I blog, I Facebook. While, I'm guessing Heidi's grandfather didn't have internet access up there in the Swiss Alps, me thinks he & I have a lot in common. Hermits of the world ... unite!!!

stirring the special ed pot

All those labels are getting me steamed. In the world of special education, my son is a veritable bowl of alphabet soup: OCD, ADHD, TS, LD, OHI. In English, this translates to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Tourette Syndrome, Learning Disability and, (as if those weren’t enough,) Other Health Impairments. Over the years, we’ve had almost every letter of the alphabet flung our way. But in reality, my son is not a hot appetizer, a grouping of letters, nor even a diagnosis. He is just Sam: my beautiful, funny, affectionate, inquisitive, compassionate, chatty 13-year-old boy. He's a talented actor & singer, who can also rock out on the drums.

Now, I'm not completely knocking diagnoses. They can certainly be a starting point, and may even give us a basic "recipe" as to what makes a child tick, or in my son's case ... er ... tic. They can also be immensely helpful in terms of securing special education services from a local school district. But, just like in cooking, you can’t focus on a single ingredient. As parents and educators, we need to look beyond to the whole person. We need to understand & respect what truly motivates a child, and capitalize on his or her strengths, (versus focusing on the weaknesses.)

In this day & age, it is completely frustrating that there aren't more programs suited to a kid like mine who is "in between." He is too academically impaired for a regular class, but too high functioning socially for a special ed class. Okay, if I lived in Manhattan, I would have my pick of several great programs. But I am stuck in the suburbs with little to offer. So we have had to make do.

Sam is a "street smart" kid who finds it social torture to navigate middle school from the perspective of the special education class. Not only do kids treat him differently, but teachers can be condescending, as well. To quote Sam, "What is their problem? I'm not an idiot!" He longs for his summers at sleep away camp, where there are no labels and he is treated like everyone else.

But I am hopeful that eighth grade will bring about positive changes in his world.  For starters, he was cast as THE LEAD in the school play, Seussical. And, yes, I admit it: I am proud that a “SpEd” kid beat out 100 other middle schoolers for the plum role!!! These Long Island soccer moms need to understand that just because a child is challenged in one aspect of his life, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t excel in other areas.

Otherwise, I will continue to try -- for Sam and my other two sons -- to create building blocks of positive experiences for them … each one serving as a solid foundation for the next.  I don’t really care what letters of the alphabet these boys represent. All I know is that each one brings a flavorful ingredient to the mix. And I can't wait until the timer goes off and I get to see how awesome this recipe turns out.

glub, glub

This morning I lounged in bed, listening to sound of my boyfriend’s coffee percolator. While the rhythmic sound lulled me in and out of sleep, I wondered why he had never relented and purchased an easy-to-use single cup coffee maker like I have. He’s usually so up on technology, with the newest iPhone and latest & greatest software applications. So, really, what's with the old perc?

But, as I waited for the coffee to brew, I realized I was actually enjoying the anticipation -- the sound, the smell -- knowing that in minutes my boyfriend and I would sit down together and communally experience the same pot of coffee. He would pour two mugs and add just the right amount of my creamer, (definitely an act of love.) Then we would relax, talk and enjoy the simple intimacy a lazy Sunday morning. No single cup, on-the-run coffee for me today!

Then it also occurred to me just how many communal experiences have become so individualized. Families used to sit and watch the news together on television, and fall into easy conversation. Now each of us picks and chooses which news snippets we wish to read from the web and anonymously post comments online. 

Sharing music used to be a group activity. Friends would spend entire afternoons together, dedicated to classic rock. We’d study each album cover, decipher the art, memorize the lyrics. Heck, we'd even play the songs backwards, searching for hidden meaning. But my three teenage sons "cherry pick" their music, one tune at a time, torn away from its comrades. The other "b list" songs don't stand a chance. And, of course, they listen individually on headphones, without the "play by play" commentary from their friends. 

I used to get together with girlfriends to go shopping or play Scrabble, and sneak in a lunch. Now much of our shopping is done online, our trips to the mall infrequent. And Scrabble is played in front of the laptop, without conversation or banter. A lonely sandwich at my side. 

Yesssss, I am obviously not the first person to realize that while technology has connected us in ways we never thought possible, it has also served to isolate us. The simple, every day connections, which used to be inherent in our lives, no longer present themselves quite as organically. It is up to each of us to make them happen.

Which brings me back to that cup of joe … (yay, it’s almost ready!) I will sit down and savor my steaming, aromatic mug. But, along with my coffee, I will drink in the simple human connectivity of  sharing a slow-brewed pot of coffee. Hey, maybe my boyfriend is onto something...